An EXCLUSIVE FUKU Interview with Gore Bear
Friendly Uriah Kardas Universal Poll Interview
Thanks, Sonny,
for this opportiwitty to finally meet the idiot
(sorry,
was the mike on?) astutely
humerus and successful huckster
eBay seller, who has been getting in on
some of the typically American-style action on my nimination as
Pwesident Bear of these whole, entire United States.
I weally hate it when they just call me that generwic Pres Elect Bear, which
I only count as incomplete!!
And conwatulations! I see you got a lot more feedback than I did winning bids! Maybe next time I can have eBay organize the voting pwocedures.
Gore Bear's boss offered me a pair of bwiefs, but who needs bwiefs, even though they are a famous designer bwand? They didn't have cartoon characters on them anyway! What I weally want is a nice wound office with a big desk, and that nice rug with the Great Foca of the US on it! I knew you would enjoy my use of Spanish, and that you know that foca translates as seal. I learned that one from one of my State's very tempowary guests on Moribund Row.
I am presently accepting job wesumes for some top positions (all the bottoms are in that other party!), and, as with my second in charge, prefer those from my glorious home State of Texas. I might add a new post as Court Jester, and would very much like to have you aboard, but you would have to, nominally, at least, get a post office box number in Dallas to be considered.
Did you know that I also collect fossils? I am arranging my display cabinet while waiting for all these nasty court decisions to be handed down, in my favor, of course. Everybody knows that I won by at least 13 bids! Even your totally reliable FUKU poll has me as a clear winner by a wide margin!
Incidently, if any of your readers has any of those old, dillapidated, and outdated bidding machines in basement storage somewhere in their home state, knowing they would be cheapo, I need ALL of them to replace some of the Moses Era stone tablets we still use in some of my party's states because the older voters just don't have the energy to hammer their selection the way they used to, resulting in only slight dimples -- I used to call them cow chips.
And just to assure ALL Americans that their votes weally counted, as they should be in this model democrazy, let me assure you that even the ones we threw out were indiwidually hand counted. And we also saved the stamps on the ones sent in from abroad! Maybe, with any luck, I can even visit some of them cuntries one of these days in that huge plane, if I don't get my spurs caught in the steps. Daddy says it's weal kewl, and they even have a FREE bar! I would get all the slurpies I could guzzle!
Let me close with the lilting
words of one of my favorite children's nursery whymes, legally overflowing with weal American
family
values -
Hickory dickery dock,
The rat ran up the clock,
Then down again and up again,
The clock struck eleven,
And boy was I in heaven
When it unwound and stopped.
Hey, kiddo, that's the wegional version from da south.
Thank you all, my
feller Americanos, and Gawd bliss.
[ check out the EXCLUSIVE FUKU GORE Bear Interview ]
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